How to get by on 500,000 baht a month here in Pattaya. I have written this tongue in cheek, there is nothing wrong with spending if you are earning but not if its your life savings lol. I actually admire guys that earn high and spend high, I think that's the way life should be, party hard and play hard and live like a millionaire!
Firstly to get by on 500,000 baht a month you will need to find a decent sized house with a huge pool, because we are in Pattaya we only really need 1 or 2 rooms as visitors can cheaply get their own places, but in order to show all the impoverished girls that your the man, you will need at least 5 bedrooms and a pool that no one will ever use. If you want to pay more, you can get a villa for a daily rate of 5-7k per day, this will give you ultimately flexibility, while bringing you closer to your 500k budget. Lets say 6000 baht a day for a huge villa (186,000 baht per month) Next you will need to bar-fine some girls for your house warming party, why not head to a Walking Street Agogo, and get 10 girls at 15000 baht bar-fine, then bang them for 2000 baht each. The chances are you will smash one, then fall asleep in the bathroom passed out before you get chance to bang them all, but at least you can say you partied with 10 girls and get some photos for Facebook to terrorise your friends in farangland.
You could invite some local expats and they will happily eat 10,000 baht worth of steaks and anything else they can find to drink around the house. The expats have a hard life here, so treat them with the best whiskey and champagne, it will take there mind off rising baht bus costs and electric rate increases. There is no way you can get by on 500,000 without the help of a girl, girls love a millionaire, so you should buy a girl out of an Agogo, a regular girl wont cut it, its got to be about money, because this is Pattaya after all, agree to a silly salary, then cry when you find out she doesn’t love you. I think 60,000 a month is fair for a newbie to Pattaya, after all you need to learn the hard way, baptism of fire is the best approach in Pattaya, fuck doing things by asking long term business owners or expats advice, you will save too much money and ruin your budget. You should send her to hairdressing school for 48,000 baht, then at least shes got some time with her Thai boyfriend while you figure out how to deal with your budget.
A night of bell ringing is in order, a millionaire like to show off, you need to show the girls you have plenty of money, how else will they figure it out, if you don’t ring the bells they wont be able to help you spend it. How will they know your the man if you don't swing off that bell? So ring that bell and help will come. You can ring bells in some Agogo's where you can buy 40 dancers shots at the same time, make sure to include the security, you don’t want their boyfriends going home sober. To top off the night you should drive your motorbike home through a check point, there is no better thrill that this, get caught and its 10-20k depending on how lucky you are. If you are very lucky it will be 20k. If you are unlucky they might not stop you. Before your girl friend leaves you, you need to buy her a motorbike or a car. Make sure its in her name or that money will be coming back and your budget is blown.
If its the end of the month and you are struggling, you could probably find a bar for her for 300k and then you will need to pay the rent and alcohol bills for the rest of the relationship, because no one else is going pay for it. That should be a good 30-70 k per month, if it falls short you can ring your own bell and buy her lady drinks in your own bar. In fact as your such a kind gentlemen, you should pay for all your own drinks also, and make sure her very close “brother” has a well paid job besides her, as they like to spend all there time together. Make sure you pay all the police that ask for money or you might get into trouble. Other tips is use your UK sim card to make calls while you are here, use your UK bank account every time you want to get cash out, make sure your teelak has a card also in case she needs anything, while you aren't around. Tell her to get her hair cut in central festival and make sure you give her unwanted expensive farang food so she can put photos on Facebook.
I wouldn’t buy her gold because that could come back if shes a good girl, Thai girls love diamonds over gold, as does a millionaire, they will be impressed when you blow 50k on a lovely looking diamond, its an Asian thing, they hate gold, besides it holds its value and it will blow your budget later on. You should buy silly brand name bags for 5000 baht each, avoid the fake brands because your lady will feel undervalued, its irrelevant that her parents earn 300 baht a day, you want your girlfriend to look and feel good. Her attitude towards you will improve as you turn her more snobby and hi-so. Make sure you choose a girl who likes to gamble, there is nothing more of a turn on than a girl that likes to risk your neck for a bet or two. You might be pleasantly be surprised with some huge debts to pay for her, don’t worry they are reasonable guys, they will leave you alone once you pay her bill! For an added bonus you can choice a girl with a dodgy brother, then you can bail him out and pay for his lawyer, if you are lucky there might be a funeral or two that you need to pay for, this is when you can really show her family how much you love her. Funerals normally cost 100k but you shouldn't disrespect the impoverished family for this meager amount, after all teelak needs to feel important, you should spend another 100k on a village party to show her face.
Giving your girlfriend face should be the backbone of your relationship, that should be a healthy and long lasting relationship until you run out of money. Finally the most important thing is when you go for a short time, you should always take 3 or more because they are small and you can tell all your mates at home what you did, there isn't an other reason, but the story alone is worth the extra cash. Then again if you are spending so much money on your Thai girl, she wont let you out of sight, so there will be no short times anymore. You can give her the extra money you saved to treat herself to a night out at a Thai karaoke, after all they do like to sing at 3-4 am.
Thanks to Bryan for writing this tongue in cheek and very comical, but eerily quite believable, story on life here in Pattaya. So, do you have the wonga to live like a lord, or are you more settled looking out for those balloons everywhere 😉 To chat with Bryan you can find him here on Facebook (CLICK HERE)